"Australian girl, I think I found you, I think I found you, Australian girl, I think I love you."
A funny part about concerts in Australia, if they are performing at a nightclub, is they don’t start until around 1am. Little do our American minds know this fact and we are like first over there at 9pm making sure we get in on time, first in line, rushing. When we get to the door, the fat security guard is standing there eating a Kebab, which are freakishly popular here, and nodding his head to our questions since he looks like Alvin and the chipmunks’ fat uncle with his cheeks stuffed. The way he ate that Kebab was if his 300 lbs hadn’t seen a meal in 3 days or something, even though I’m pretty sure I saw the wrapper of his first Kebab at his feet. Setting him aside, we decide to stall at McDonalds with a wonderful Big Mac Meal (our fav!), upsized to a medium for only 50 cents! Making it about the American equivalent of a kid’s meal... Yeah their portions suck over here, which doesn’t explain why Australia is also one of the more obese nations in the world. Especially with their naturally outdoorsy slash active culture. Like last night, I and Jen went out to Al Fresco’s Italian Restaurant, which I thought was Alfredo’s. I end up ordering the largest possible pizza I can order of the menu, and I finished the whole thing. I don’t even eat a lot. Australia needs to get a portion check on their meals.
Anyways, so after that sumo security guard sent us on our way and we ate at McDonalds, we had a full on 400 metre sprint race to the bus stop. No Joke. If you are a driver on the street, this is what you see...
Five happy 20 year olds (yeah I classified myself in that category) walking down the street looking back every few seconds for a bus to come. Then one of them sees one. Mind you all five of these young adults are dressed up in button up shirts and dresses slash heels, depending on their gender of course. Then it’s like a foot just stepped on the ant hill and it’s a mad 400 metre scatter to the nearest bus stop. All five of them break up, the girls ripping off their heels to run while the guys look like white Michael Jordan’s running down the court like it’s the final seconds of game seven of the NBA finals and the Bulls are down by 1 pt. And you think I’m kidding. Luckily our man Scotty wasn’t blessed with Australian running genes and somehow, as we all found out sometime in about the 10 seconds it took him to get to the bus stop, has some Kenyan in him too. It was a glorious moment as he stuck his hand out to flag down the completely packed bus with drunks and druggies loaded in it. The bus ride back was nothing special and we went back to relax for a few hours and then headed back out to the Shwayze concert. We were still able to get literally in the front row of the concert. I gave Cisco a high five and gave Shwayze...eye contact?
It was definitely one of the better nights here and I was singing along with every song. Just stoaked that Nana finally got to see Shwayze, after one failed attempt in San Diego, and I got to see him for my 4th time in Australia! The next day I ran into my marketing buddy, who I think is the female Australian version of me with her likes of Shwayze and Cisco and was telling her how awesome of a time I had in the front row and everything. Then I asked her, “Did you go???!”
Here was her response...
“Matt. Did I go??!? What do you think? You won’t believe this. I was sitting V.I.P. with Cisco and Shwayze the WHOLE night. I met them at Titanium Bar and Shwayze kept buying us shots of Patron. Cisco was IN LOVE with me and he held my hand as we walked from Titanium Bar to Sin City so they could play their set. You know that ‘Australian Girl’ song? Yeah he wrote that FOR ME. He was pointing at me the whole time he was singing it. I kissed him the whole night. He invited me back to his hotel room but I said no. I wasn’t going to be his groupie. He said he respects that.”
And I thought I had a good night...
Welcome to Australia ya’ll.
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